Wednesday Again

Although no medical disasters occurred yesterday, as they have seemed to so often this semester on Tuesdays, particularly in the afternoon when I am working at the Center, I did get two calls in the late afternoon and evening from the hospital saying my mother was not eating. I didn't have time to go to the hospital to see my mom, so I didn't get to check on this myself.
Not surprisingly, I didn't sleep well, thinking that my mother would very soon die from this self-denial, and that the doctors were sure to confront me with the question of whether I wanted to entubate her or withhold nourishment--not a decision I want to have to make.
My mother long ago signed an advanced directive saying she did not want heroic measures performed on her should she be gravely ill, but I no longer have that document. Now she is not capable of signing it or anything else, so it would be my decision to make, even though I know she said this 5 years ago.
But on the way to the hospital this morning, where I went instead of yoga class, I thought that since Mission is a Catholic hospital, I am probably not going to be offered that choice. They will use the tubes no matter what.
However, when I got to the hospital, what awaited me was not what I expected. While my mom was way out of it last time I went, on Sunday, today she opened her eyes and smiled at me, recognizing me. I asked her whether she was hungry because her food was there, and she said yes. She has to have her food chopped up and drinks only thickened liquids, so she won't aspirate them. So I got a nurse to sit her up and began feeding her pancakes, eggs, coffee, orange juice, milkshake, and applesauce. SHe ate a little of everything. Then she said she wanted tea instead of coffee. I got some tea, but it wasn't thickened, so she choked, and I had to call the nurse to get it out of her. That was upsetting. I won't make that mistake again.
She asked to see my dad, so I went to get him, and stopped for some gorgeous flame colored tulips on the way. She was so glad to see dad, holding his hand, as he dozed. Jeremy dropped by later in the day, and I think my mom appreciated everyone's presence, and didn't want us to leave.
I went to class and picked up my third papers. Not everyone was there, but most were, of the 14 I have left. I should get down to grading.

Tuesday

Yesterday afternoon was the first real hint of summer we had here. Of course, I spent most of it cooped up inside with students. It is nearing the end of the semester, and I have a set of papers (THE dreaded bunch of papers I've been complaining about) coming in tomorrow. Then, in a week or so, another set of papers--the other half of the assignment, involving the film they studied. On one hand, I think the students are mostly more enthusiastic about the film half. They mostly chose these pairs for the films, which they had seen more than once. But they have not done the research, and I don't have time to help all of them do that. Two students at least didn't even do the research for the first half, and I probably won't be getting any papers from them. One student did the research, with my help, but clearly has no clue what any of it means at all. He will fail, but probably needs another semester of practice at any rate. I will be glad to have this semester done, and the opportunity to start fresh with the 6 week summer classes, which are hard work, but clean. I know how to proceed, though I will be teaching some material I have never taught before. I know the path.

New Poem

The Pond

What seems so still at first is not.
A world submerged, and every inch alive.
Above the surface, iridescent dragonflies,
their errant flight embroidering the air,
wear close-cut goggles as glider pilots do.
Ribbed torsos anchor thin, transparent wings,
patterned like a leaded pane, computer
chip magnified ten thousand times.
Although it’s May, the stink speaks
August all at once, as all this simmers
in the heat. At the water’s edge,
something slips onto the mud-- a leopard
frog, finding its first legs, a bit of tail
still hanging at the back. Beneath the green-
gold water, shadows skim—the oblivious
catfish, big and barbled, plump as a purse.
A thousand tiny fry scatter in confusion,
pinprick eyes shine like constellations,
shift and shape again.
Even in one drop
a million beings swarm, being born, dying,
preying on their fellows, creatures
in the middle of their lives, as I am, unaware.

Daily Report

After yoga class, I stopped off to see dad and to bring him last week's Sunday New York Times. I do that every week. But today, the caregiver told me that dad has needed oxygen the past two nights, and can no longer walk freely around the grounds. He must be wheeled, and the caregiver takes care of his plants and worms. It tells me that he will probably not be with us much longer, which saddens me, of course. Also, I am worried because if he goes first, most of the money we get for their care will be cut off, and we will be left mostly the money we got for selling their house. Then my mom will have to go to a medicare place, where she will definitely not get the level of care that she gets here.
She was much better today. Her eyes were open, and she was talking, though she didn't make much sense. She was glad to see us, particularly dad, who I wheeled close to the bed so they could hold hands. She had food there, but will not feed herself. I could see that someone had been feeding her a little of the mush on the plate. She was having trouble swallowing, so they chopped everything up very fine, no pieces bigger than those in baby food for one year olds.
Weds. she has another surgery. I will probably not be able to go see her again before that time.

The Film Series is OVER

Last night I showed Room with a View, the last in the adaptation film series. A student I had never seen before showed up to watch it. She enjoyed it, and was sorry the series was over, saying she didn't hear anything about it from anyone, but finally saw it advertised on the marquee, where of course, it had been advertised since the start of the series.
At the end, we were rather sad to see it end, despite the lack of success, and Richard asked me if I couldn't do it again, just for us, with a different set of films.
I said no, but admitted that I had enjoyed showing films just for us on the large screen.

I learned something else today

Yahoo had a little photo feature about the 15 most dangerous animals. How come they didn't put humans in there? I would bet they're much more dangerous than all the rest put together.
The one that struck me most was the slow loris. It's a very small animal, and apparently, one of the only poisonous mammals. I know male koalas and duck-billed platyppi(?) have poisonous spurs on the back leg. But the slow loris exudes poison from glands near its elbows.

Saturday

Shabbat notwithstanding, Saturday is always a very busy day. My dad wants to go to the farmer's market near U.C.I., where he eats up everything with his eyes, and samples things for real as well. And now that my mom is in the hospital, I need to go visit her. On top of that, there is a yoga class in Laguna in the early afternoon with a very good teacher, Isabella. She is pregnant, so I take advantage of as many of her classes as I can before she will not be able to teach for a while. This is her second child. She has a 2 year old as well, and lives far from the studios were I usually study, in San Clemente.
The morning had a tough start. I got up early, so I could do everything, even though Richard offered to take my dad to the market. But when I stopped at the bank to get money for the market, which accepts only cash, I dropped my keys in the front seat, and didn't notice until I came back and wanted to open the door. There they were, inside the locked car. I called Richard, and he took his time getting there. By the time I got into the car, it was too late for me to do everything I had planned, so Richard took my dad to the market after all. I hear they had a good time.
My mom again didn't recognize me and didn't acknowledge the very violet irises I brought her. I put her glasses on her... they had been sitting beside her on the table. The nurses told me they were concerned about her high blood pressure, but also that she was eating very well. She enjoyed the pancakes and eggs they fed her this morning.
I finally met up with the doctor who has been trying to get me since she was admitted. Apparently, I didn't get most of his messages, only the first one, from the ER, and after she was admitted, I didn't bother to call him back. So he was glad to see me.
Then I drove down to Laguna and had a wonderful class, where I learned some new moves. On the way back, I went grocery shopping, and now I am going to make dinner. I'm showing the last movie in the Adaptation series tonight. Several people have told me they saw it advertised, so maybe some will show up. I won't hold my breath.