This business with the hospital and doctors has been a strain on me and no doubt on my parents as well, but I have not been dealing with it all that well. I drove around like an idiot yesterday looking for Jeremy's ballgame, when it turned out it was 5 minutes away from the college at Woodbridge. I drove to University High and to Northwood, only to be an hour late for the second game! But at least I got to watch that, though Jeremy played only in the first game. They won both!
I couldn't concentrate on anything yesterday, though somehow I managed to teach my class and go to Bookies, the book club at the college, as though nothing was amiss. Hanging out with the book club helped me relax a little, though I got through the teaching on sheer nerves, I think.
Today I have to take dad back to the doctor, and something tells me this is not going to be an easy meeting.
The truth is, both my parents are getting to the end of their lives, and it is time to talk about that openly. I know my dad is afraid, and I am not wanting to deal with this either with him, but I know I probably must, if he asks the doctor questions and this comes up. The cardiologist doesn't believe putting a pacemaker in is worth the risk, and that is part of what my dad's regular physician will discuss today. She is a firm believer in letting the natural process of dying go forward when it comes time to do that.
That is never easy to do, but the alternative is not pleasant. Why torture a person when s/he will die anyway in the end? The doctors I must deal with have various philosophies on this subject, and my parents and I are caught in the middle.
7 comments:
ROBBI
I AM SORRY FOR YOU THAT, YOU HAVE NO ONE TO RELY ON FOR HELP WITH YOUR PARENTS. REMEMBER, WE ARE STRONG WHEN WE HAVE TO BE! ALSO, RELY ON YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR TO GET YOU THROUGH THE TOUGH TIMES, YOU HAVE PLENTY.
BETH
Thanks Beth. At the best of times, I certainly try to maintain perspective, and along with that comes humor.
When I got home, I tried to ask Jeremy to go get a battery for the phone, which had stopped working. I couldn't do one more thing today. But Jeremy was "too tired" to go (as he always is, too busy playing video games or too busy talking to a friend, etc.). He's a kid. Richard went himself. He will do whatever I ask him to, if he is home.
It is hard to know when to make the decision to sign advanced directives and do-not-resuscitate orders. You'll know when it is time. I found that the harder part was enforcing those orders. You are a wonderful daughter!
MY SON WAS THE SAME WAY. THEY ARE SELF CENTERED AT THAT AGE. HOPE YOU SPRING BREAK ALLOWS YOU SOME TIME TO YOURSELF.
TAKE CARE,
BETH
Thanks Lou. For the moment, I got a reprieve from such decisions, but my mom doesn't look good. I pray that she goes quietly, not in a hospital, without hours and days and weeks of pain and fuss. But we don't always get what we want.
My dad, on the other hand, is for the moment feeling better. He has bounced back, and is again going back to the Senior Center. He wants to go to San Juan Capistrano for the Swallow Festival, but I am having second thoughts about it, remembering last week. It's hard to know how far to pull back and when.
Robbi,
You are a wonderful daughter and your parents are blessed. It is these moments that try us and it is so hard to see past them. I wish you strength.
Melanie
Thanks Melanie.
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