Thursday, April 30, 2009

Missed opportunities, continued

Some years after I finished my PhD, I was offered a position in the Comp Lit program at UCI (probably part time, but I'm not sure). Apparently, some visiting experts on Russian lit and Nabokov had admired parts of my dissertation. But I turned it down, feeling unprepared to teach Russian literature to graduate students. After all, I was never able to get the background I needed to do that. Undergraduates I could have managed; however, grad students at UCI--that would be another story.
It is true that I have had one personal responsibility after another--my son, my parents, as well as my own anxiety to grapple with-- but it felt as if I were fleeing this opportunity out of fear.
Perhaps after my experience at the University, it was best to stay away from the place as far as such a job is concerned, but perhaps not.


Lou said...

Second guessing decisions so many years after they are made isn't helpful, you know? You can get mired in the "what if's?"

Robbi said...

That's true. I guess running into all that Russian made me recall the whole constellation of feelings I had about this.