Wednesday, April 30, 2008
things I'd rather not think about but have to
My mom has visitors from the other side, apparently. The caregiver told me yesterday that she doesn't want to get washed and dressed sometimes because she is waiting for her sister to visit her. They have "tea" and visit, particularly at night, with my mom speaking animatedly to the air for hours at a time. I've made an appointment to take her to the psychiatrist, whom she despises, tomorrow afternoon, but I don't have much hope that it will accomplish anything. I've just got to try. And if it is a comfort to her, perhaps I shouldn't want to stop those visitors. Who knows whether she is the one who is mistaken. Perhaps we are.
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8 comments:
Your mom suffers with dementia now, yes? A social worker finally told me, kindly, to stop trying to reason with my father because he was no longer reasonable. Instead, say and do what I needed to get him into the most comfortable state I could. This meant that I lied to him and placated him for his own sake. There are so many things that your mother could do that would make her condition worse in terms of her own fear, and talking to her sister seems comforting. I think we all talk to people who are not with us, and your mom is just doing is a little too publicly now and interrupting the routine. Someone just needs to tell her that her sister knows she will be ready for tea as soon as she finishes her shower.
Robbi
I enjoy your humor. It must be difficult to see your parents health decline. I am glad she likes teas.
Beth
The social worker was right. I don't try to tell her those people aren't there any more, when I'm around and they visit. But I do worry that she'll follow an invisible visitor outside and get hurt or lost or both. And she tends to wake my father up in the middle of the night to visit too.
That can't be permitted, and this is why I am taking her to the doc.
Beth,
RE: tea, she is from South Africa, and tea was always her cure for everything. If I was sick to the stomach, tea; if I had a cold, tea; if I was just plain upset, tea!!!
It is sad to see her like this. Sometimes it is hard and frustrating to deal with, and I'm not as patient as I could be.
You are a wonderful daughter and person. I loved Linda's advice. Tell her that her sister knows she will be ready for tea as soon as she finshes her shower. Love it!!
Beth
Thanks Beth. Yes, her advice is right on target.
For the past week, despite her hallucinations, I'm finding my mother's mental state much improved. She even knew Hillary Clinton was running for president! A month ago she didn't know what year it was or who was the current president.
The psychiatrist diagnosed her tentatively with Lewys Body Disease. Read up on it. It is a kind of dementia, characterized by wavering levels of awareness, parkinsonian tremors, and visual hallucinations. She has had aural hallucinations in the past also.
My grandmother had visitors too, toward the end.
Often it was her former employer flying down in his private plane trying to get her to go with him to Hawaii. It was what she always had wanted.
I love that wish fulfillment! In Lewys Bodies disease, they have lots of hallucinations, all day and night. Sometimes they are frightening (to us, not to the victim of the disorder), but generally benign.
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