Thursday, May 21, 2009

I think it's ready now...

Here's a poem from the last hike, which I've written about below. I think I am ready to leave it up now. It's a sonnet, and I find this rhyme scheme more challenging than most.
Last Hike

In a dusty canyon with no name
waves wild grasses' green-gold tide
where daylight shadow shrinks and hides
and every rock proclaims "I am."

Here, where lightning burned an oak to ash
the trapdoor spider lurks, and we six,
promised something special, fix
our eyes on that far point beyond the wash.

Just read the rocks: an ancient river ran here,
sign that soon the old trail takes a turn"
the sound of water and a wall of ferns--
despite our fears, unexpected orchids do appear.

5 comments:

Lou said...

Oh I like the slant and eye rhymes you used very much. I bet that you find these images carry over in your poems to other setting and concerns, outside their original venue in the canyons and gullies of OC. Nice!

Robin said...

Very nice imagery! I like "Where daylight shadow shrinks and hides and every rock proclaims "I am"! I am so glad you have been inspired by these nature hikes to write these wonderful pieces!

Robbi said...

Thanks Lou and Robin. I don't know whether they'll carry over yet. I expect so! Haven't written any lately that weren't about the hikes.

marly said...

Grand images and way to seek out a poem... The namelessness versus the "I am" is quite good.

The last line: I don't tend to like the longer length of "despite our fears, unexpected orchids do appear." Not sure the "fears" are needed, and the "do" seems popped in there for the rhythm.

Of course, closure can be the hardest thing.

Robbi said...

I get your point, Marly, and I was wondering about that "do," though it's what I wanted to say. I'll just have to think about it.
I'm sure I'll come up with something.