Monday, February 22, 2010

I will not apologize

I do not begrudge my parents the time or effort I spend taking care of them, but I will not give up my own life. I will not apologize for going to yoga class and I will not feel guilty for wanting to go on going to work and doing my job. What the world (ie: medical establishments, etc. )seems to expect from relatives caring for elderly parents is ridiculous. Family is important, but I must be allowed to have my own life.
When or if it ever comes time to truly reform the medical system and insurance in the U.S., because I do not believe it will happen now, someone ought to think about this issue.


Lou said...

I have watched for all these months and years, Robbi, as you have given and given to your parents of your time, energy, and resources. You have absolutely no reason to ever feel guilty.

About Jeremy's laundry--leave the bag where he left it. It's his laundry.

marly said...

You sound frazzled! This is a women's issue and problem. It used to be that women had more time to manage family concerns. The expectations of them in that area have stayed the same, but women are often now painfully stretched by a host of demands: children, parents, work and career, household and meals, the need to have a few minutes of relaxation somewhere, somewhere...

Meanwhile, hospital workers are tugged in many directions as well. They aren't trying to make life more miserable; they're just busily running on.

Just be really clear and calm about what you can and can't do. And don't forget that a medical devotion to life sometimes gets in the way of old people declining peacefully and as comfortably and gracefully as is possible. Also, many patient families have wild expectations and demands in the area of prolonging and restoring life, and the hospital is affected by that urge. When over-care does get in the way, just speak up--doctors and staff do want, in the end, that peacefulness and grace for their patients who are facing the end of life.

My two cents!

Robbi said...

Thank you Lou. I agree with you, but the nurses at the Medical Center seem to think I ought to do more. I have to resist the urge to give in to that pressure.
RE: Jeremy, I agree with you that I need to sit down and have a talk with him, show him how to do the laundry himself, and encourage him to do it. He can even come to our house between classes and do it himself there if he wishes to. But he moved out to be independent. An independant person does his own laundry. Richard, as usual, wants to do the laundry for him.

Robbi said...

I am worse than frazzled. It is deeply disturbing me because what I am being asked to do seems impossible to me and this is the first time I have felt that. I could deal with what I had to do before because there were limits to what was expected. I could go home and leave them at the b&c and come back the following week, doing what I needed to do for them at home, in my own time.
But now, all the borders between my life and theirs are beginning to break down.

Anonymous said...

Ditto, to all that Lou said.