Monday, February 22, 2010

Tom's Memorial

Yesterday afternoon Liz and I went to the memorial for Tom Moore, my friend who died a couple of weeks ago in yoga class. The service was impressive and beautiful. In addition to a lovely service of a semi-traditional kind, my yoga teachers and his, Denise and Bob, gave beautiful eulogies. Unfortunately, I was not wearing my hearing aids, so I didn't hear Bob very well, but I managed to grasp that he said it was fitting that Tom was in his first class in Orange County twenty years ago, so the fact that his was Tom's last yoga class meant that things had come full circle. Then he led the group, a very large group that filled the entire sanctuary, with standing room only out in the lobby, in the yoga invocation we say at the beginning of every class.
It impressed me that the place was so full of love. I saw people from yoga classes I had not seen for years because they had moved to other states, and come back just to remember Tom.
The group then went to eat Indian food, but I didn't go. R and I went out for a walk and Japanese food instead. I needed some time to thing about all this, particularly since, as Denise noted yesterday morning in class, I've been so "scattered." Trying to gird my loins for the next crisis, which is fast approaching.
My mother is failing fast. Her neck has been bothering her, and she rarely opens her eyes anymore. By the evening, she cannot walk. It would be a blessing if she would go peacefully, before her dementia gets so much worse that she forgets how to chew and swallow and starves to death. But my dad is going to pieces, calling me at all hours, in a panic because he does not want her to die anymore than he wants to die himself.
Tough times.


liz said...

Wonderful to see yesterday's service through your eloquent eyes. I came away from the whole experience feeling surprisingly uplifted.
As per your parents, I am so sorry for the rough seas ahead but as my sister the martial arts student says "you are equipped".
I think yoga waters the seeds planted long ago and as long as you stay strong but flexible, like the tree Denise talks about, you will weather the storm.
agggh! talk about mixed metaphors..but you know what I mean right? I sure hope I can take my own advice when my father's time comes in the not too distant future.

marly said...


That is tough, and all I can say is that I know whereof you speak and feel for you.

Did she do a living will? Because you know there is the whole business of feeding tubes and so on. They do prolong life, but they are markedly unpleasant, at least from my close-at-hand experience.

Does your dad feel pretty good about the new place? Maybe it is good you moved them when you did.


Rebel Girl said...


Robbi said...

I am not sure Liz. The nurse at my mom's doctor's office called today and was trying to get me to take off work and take her right away. I took off last Weds. I can't take another class. My students need me and I need the money to keep driving the car, paying for insurance, etc.

Robbi said...

Dad has said several times that he is sure she would have been dead already had we not moved. He says there's no comparison between the old place and this one. I tend to agree.
She did one advanced directive, but we need to do another, if it isn't too late. I am her power of attorney now, and I will tell doctors we don't want feeding tubes, etc. It is hard hard hard, but I will do it.

mym said...

It may be too late if she is not competent. But you have one! And that will probably serve just fine.

Dying we all will do. Dying with grace we all desire. What else is there to say?

Yes, don't miss classes now because there may come a time when you have no choice.