Jeremy and I had one of our little talks again. It always happens when I get a little bent out of shape, and he thinks he can correct that. I had been cleaning out the fridge, thoroughly washing the glass shelves and the bottom, under the crispers. But then I had to get the glass, etc. back into the fridge, and it wouldn't budge. I was afraid I would break it, and became a bit snappish in my effort to get it all done before supper, especially when it turned out that the shredded cheese I needed for Jeremy's dinner of leftover turkey tacos had just been mostly consumed by Richard and he had to go to the store for more.
While Richard made his cheese run, Jeremy started to work on me, pressing me to respond about what made me behave in that way. I finally said that sometimes I didn't want to come home because I was afraid he would start this, and we jointly figured out that it was this very cycle of my avoidance that got him started when I would come home, and he would sense my feeling of anxiety. This would spur in him a compulsion to "fix" things. Since he has OCD, he cannot drop things once he has begun them, spending hours straightening his hair or turning on and off the light incessantly-- or berating me.
Of course, understanding these things is only the first step. One has to know what to do about them. I again asked him to come to the therapist with me, but he hates therapists, having experienced his share of them since childhood. Though he knows he should go with me, he won't, but he promised that if he cannot stop this behavior, he would go .