Monday, January 4, 2010

Jeremy again

When Jeremy gets his driver's license back in February, he is planning to move out of the house. Like any kid his age, he can't wait to go. I remember that feeling, and sympathize, but I am really concerned about his plans.
Jeremy likes nice places, even though he doesn't have much money, so he is planning to move in with 4 people who work at Ralph's--one of them a girl, a former student of mine, who I don't like very much at all. And she is going to be his roommate.
It is not just because she didn't do any work in my class and stopped coming almost immediately (though that doesn't help, of course), but also because she seems like a completely inane and stupid girl, who will set him back, just when he has begun to make progress on his education.
As far as I know, he hasn't really gotten involved with anyone, hasn't even dated anyone more than once. And it's about time, I guess, that he try it, but I really don't like the idea of him signing a year lease with this girl, living in a room with her. I think it will make it impossible for him to continue in school, just because she is such a goofball.
He sat down with me and told me his plans, to get my input, so I gave it to him, that I don't like this girl, that I think he is making a mistake. I thought his friend Scott and he were going to share a room, but the place is too expensive for Scott. It must then also be too expensive for Jeremy, but he'll find out the hard way, and then we'll end up paying for it; that is my fear.
Jeremy wanted us to move into a one bedroom apartment after he left, but considering how many clothes and books I have--we have, as far as books are concerned--and how crowded and cluttered our two bedroom place is, I don't like that idea at all. Richard was thinking if we moved into a one bedroom we'd have more money for Jeremy's new place. I don't think that's a good idea either. He needs to find out what it is like to have to pay for things himself. We'll continue to pay for his education, but not this. Because it isn't a good idea, not the way he's set it up. Not at all.
I suppose I am just another worried parent. But that's the way it is.


Lou said...

I understand your worry. It's hard to imagine your kid living on his own, taking care of himself. And it's also hard to imagine your own home without him.

But he has to go sometime, really. And he wants to go. And as my daughter once said, standing at the top of the stairs and yelling at me, "I have to make my own mistakes!"

She left at 18 and struggled for years with money, transportation, jobs, school. Seven years later, she came back here for one year because she needed time and my support to get herself together. Then she left again, and has not been back.

Our kids are visitors in our home. They will be leaving. When you say that "Jeremy likes nice places," it's pretty clear that he is not prepared to take care of himself. But he has to learn that, and you already know it. No one starts out all ready to take care of themselves; we all have to learn. Let him, and be VERY clear about any net you intend to provide for him when he falls.

Oh, and since when does the adult kid get to tell his parents where to live? LOL

Robbi said...

Thanks for your wisdom and experience. I know he has to go, and I am really okay with that, although I will of course miss him terribly. However, I think he'll be here for dinner, laundry, and help with homework, or at least I hope the latter. He needs it!
I talked to him about my concerns, and he told me that his new roommate hated my class, but apparently loved the sociology class he signed up for when she took it, and did very well. He says she is probably less likely to disturb his schoolwork than his male friends. Of course, I remember being a girl that age, so I don't know about this, but as your daughter said, he has to make his own mistakes! And I had the same response to his effort to push us into a nicer, smaller apartment. Richard was all ready to do it so he'd have more money to help Jeremy with, but I said NO.

Robin said...

Only one thing to add here--don't let him come home with his laundry or he'll always be expecting someone (usually some woman or girl, if not you)to always cater to him. He has to learn this on his own.

Lou's advice is very wise, and I agree. He should be paying for his room on his own and it should not in any way involve your move to a smaller place to give him more money for his place. The fact that he would ask this REALLY concerns me. If he wants to be an adult, let him. But he needs to take full responsibility--for his laundry And his rent.

Good luck!

Robbi said...

I agree that he has to learn to take care of himself. He has matured a lot in the past year or so, so I have faith he can continue to do so.