I have been teaching since 1980, going from one semester to the next mostly without expectations or ambitions. I have become fully involved in what I was teaching at the moment, without much thinking of what else I could be doing or where else I could be teaching.
Mostly this was because I was first in graduate school, next taking care of a small child with challenges (both mine and the child's), and then taking care of my parents, which of course, I am still doing. It seemed impossible to dream of a full time job teaching writing, literature, etc., as well as composition, though I did spend years trying to apply for such jobs all over the world. How many times I regretted turning down some of the offers I have gotten over the years, I can't tell you! I turned them down because of the child, the parents, the fears I had that I couldn't hack it. And maybe, insofar as the job in CompLit at the U was concerned, I really couldn't because my language skills are poor, no matter how hard I've worked at it.
But now that I am writing again seriously, these ambitions have woken up, and made me look longingly at positions I know I could fill, teaching creative writing at liberal arts colleges. Especially since I recently helped to judge a poetry contest at the college and found them uninspired at best, for the most part, uneducated about poetry, naive, I have been thinking that I could turn some of those people into real poets, if they wanted to be poets. I could at least teach them how it's done, if they wanted to know.
But I still can't go anywhere. I'm still responsible for my parents, still waiting for R's job at the U to wind up. Unless something local should fall into my lap, I am going to go on doing what I am doing till I drop. Could be worse I guess. I get to teach whatever I want, among people I like, and maybe I can talk someone at another college into letting me teach a workshop. Who knows?