Thursday, November 18, 2010

On a Dime

As I've said about myself before, though I don't think I've inherited my dad's bipolar disorder, I am pretty volatile. Last night, with all the house stuff in motion, R and I had a talk about things.
People don't know him very well since he isn't very open, the direct opposite of me, who is Ms. Blabbermouth. One of my cherished early memories of him is before we were married, when he came to Philadelphia one Winter Break to visit me and my parents. He drove up from VA, and I remember the sight of that tiny white Datsun chugging along. I thought then that the car and he, despite the disparity in size, with R's long legs crunched almost up to his years as he sat behind the wheel, were much alike.
The car was nothing fancy. It was new when he bought it, but had no radio or other frills. But it was beyond all things reliable. And he is just the same, to this very day. Everyone can always count on Richard to serve, never complaining, chugging along, not needing or accepting repairs.
He has been like that as a partner, a parent, an employee. Now, after he has taken over as supervisor of writing teachers for James, R is becoming battered and weary. He sits in a sort of hunched over way, and I know he is suffering. He will, as usual, never complain though.
But when I wanted to talk to him about the house and he said we couldn't afford to pay the monthly payments we would need to in order to cover HOA, morgage, insurance, and yearly taxes, I confess I flipped out. And he laid it out for me in such a way that I realized I have forgotten a lot of important things, like how I am going to be able to make these payments when I am in my 80s, and not working, and how we are going to cover the cost of Jeremy's transfer to four year college and probably graduate school, since he wants to be a psychologist, and this indeed is where his talent lies.
As usual, he is the calm, rational, responsible one. I am impulsive in comparison, and above all apt to fly off on gusts of fancy, either toward the negative or the wildly, unrealistically positive.
I am not sure what to do now. I guess I will consult my financial sources, and see what they say.

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