Monday, May 24, 2010

Early Morning Sessions

Every morning between about 2:30 AM and 4:00 AM, I cannot sleep. It is not just the cat, pushing his wet nose into my ear, underarm, or any other body part that presents itself and begging for food. Once I am up, I cannot get back to sleep for the many many conundrums that present themselves. It is only by forcing myself to remain still, with my eyes closed, that I finally am able to sleep and to dream, invariably, troubling and repetitive dreams, like the ones I had this morning. In one of these, I saw that I had left the remnants of a meal in the back window of the car, and about 3 colonies of different kinds of ants were swarming everywhere in the back seat. I wondered how I was going to get rid of them without being painfully bitten and attacked.
In another dream, I learned that Richard had his own blog. It even had a name--Two Wheeler! The fact that he is a total Luddite who refuses to have a cell phone and stays away from computers as much as he can did not influence me in cooking up this anxiety dream, where I learned that he had a whole secret life he wrote about there and never told me about.
Naturally, it was thoughts about my mother that kept me up. I don't know what to do next. The doctor says he wants her to stay there 9 weeks--this is the orthopedic surgeon. He also wants to see her next week, and I am unsure how I will manage to transport her and who will accompany her. The doctor is only there on Monday. I suppose I should arrange that today. But there are too many things too many little things and big ones to arrange.


Lou said...

The anxiety surrounding all the kinds of responsibilities can make it all so much harder to bear. You might ask one of the many doctors for a prescription for something to help you sleep. Or try one of the PM over-the-counter meds. You need your sleep.

Robbi said...

I cannot take those medications. I became addicted to one of them last year, and couldn't sleep when I didn't take it. And it is also a problem because when the nursing home calls in the middle of the night, I must be able to jump out of bed and see to my mother's needs.